An interview with Coobke Peyrot-Dijkstra

Coobke Peyrot-Dijkstra is a volunteer with Haarlem Hospice in Northern Holland. In February 2001 she attended a course entitled "A Buddhist perspective on caring for the dying" led by Christine Longaker and members of the Dutch spiritual care team. She shared her thoughts with us about the training and her work with the dying.

Why did you come to this course?

I had taken weekend courses led by Christine Longaker in the past. I was particularly interested in this course because it was longer and would provide the opportunity to go into more depth. It was actually as a result of insights on a previous course that I became involved in caring for the dying. I can see how valuable the things I've learned have been and by attending this course I'm hoping to deepen my knowledge even more.

What do you in your daily life?

I have a family and I work as a volunteer at Haarlem Hospice. In my volunteer work I regularly come in contact with people who are going through the last stage of their lives, which means I am able to put the things I learn on these courses into practice immediately.

Which exercise did you find the most inspiring or helpful?

I find many of the exercises inspiring. The Phowa practice we did was tremendously inspiring, because you first enter the state of meditation yourself. That is so important, because it helps you at the moment you most need it--when you sit with someone on the brink of death. If I am able do that, then I can be more--as Christine Longaker puts it--"authentically present" with the dying person.

Another exercise which always surprises me with its effectiveness is "Exchanging self and other." You pretend that you actually become another person and try to imagine what they are thinking and feeling. I find that the exercise really helps me understand why people behave the way that they do. Somebody might act in way I don't like, for example, but when you put yourself into their shoes, you can see why they are acting that way. This brings a great deal of understanding and arouses compassion, one of the most important elements in the Buddhist tradition.

Have you found it helpful to talk and exchange experiences with the other caregivers at this training?

Yes, definitely. Other caregivers offer helpful tips and I learn from the responses of others during feedback sessions. When someone points out how fortunate we are to be able to participate in this training, for example, I often think, "Wow, they're right. I haven't really stopped to appreciate how much the things I've learned have changed my life and the way that I relate to others." As people share their opinions and observations, I find myself thinking, "Yes, that is exactly the same for me," or "It used to be that way for me, but not anymore." This gives me insight into my own beliefs. What I find most comforting is the knowledge that you are not alone with your difficulties and in working with them. In a group like this, so many others have problems similar to yours and working with them gives support.

Are your colleagues at Haarlem Hospice also interested in spiritual care?

I think so. At the hospice, we take time to be with people who are dying. We light candles and try to create a good atmosphere. If there are meetings or activities which occur around the time of someone's death we always take a quiet moment to think of them. At Christmas, we organized a memorial service for people who had died during the year. We made cards and read stories and poems out loud. Those working at the hospice have different opinions about those kinds of activities; some think it's wonderful and others don't think it's really necessary, but nonetheless we have been doing some things along those lines.

Is there anything else you want to add?

I just wanted to emphasize how healing the practices are that we've received on this course. This is something I've realized before, but being here has really brought it home for me again. Not only are they tremendously nourishing for me personally, but they show you what you can do quietly and unobtrusively for someone who wants nothing to do with spirituality. It is a relief to know that you are not empty handed in these situations--you can simply comfort them through your presence or through the Phowa practice--you can actually do something. Having confidence that you really can do something completely dispels any feelings of helplessness.

Do you often care for people who aren't interested in spirituality?

It is usually hard to determine whether someone is spiritual or not, because you are only with them for a short time. You are coming to them as a total stranger. I have noticed that people rarely ask straight out for spiritual care, but often like it when I sit with them.

I once had a special experience with a woman I cared for. She was a very simple person, but she enjoyed my visits. She watched television constantly. At a certain point she was in a great deal of pain and sitting next to her I thought, "I can't do anything." Even so, I decided to do the Phowa practice. While I was doing it, she fell asleep for a few moments and when she awoke she said, "Oh, it was as if I just saw a wonderful TV movie with such pretty colors!" It was completely within her own belief system. That experience gave me tremendous confidence in the practice. I could see that it really has an effect--whether the dying person believes in it or not.