The Tibetan Buddhist teachings say that it is relatively easy
to give spiritual support to a loved one who has died. Since the mind
is no longer associated with the body, the person's consciousness
is more malleable. A huge tree trunk on the ground is
very difficult to move, yet floating in water it becomes much
easier to guide. Whatever spiritual practice we do after someone
has died has a powerful influence, because the person's consciousness
is now more receptive and clear. This receptivity is present
even if a person was not interested in spirituality during life,
or if he died in a confused state. Here are some suggestions
on the most effective ways to help after death.
| Essential phowa practice |
The best and easiest way to help a dead person is
to do the essential
practice of phowa. This is a simple practice which anyone at
all can do. Try to do the phowa in the place where the person died,
or at least picture that place very strongly in your mind.
Whenever your dead relative or friend comes into
your mind, whenever you hear his or her name being
mentioned send the person your love, and then focus
on doing the phowa, and do it for as long and as often
as you wish.
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| Pray strongly for them |
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| Khandro
Tsering Chödrön |
If you are close to the person who has died, the intensity
of your love and the depth of your connection will give your
invocation an added power. Khandro Tsering Chödrön,
the spiritual wife of Jamyang Khyentse Chökyi Lodrö,
often says that if you really have a good heart, and really mean
well, and then pray for someone, that prayer will be very effective.
So be confident that if someone you love very much has died,
and you pray for them with true love and sincerity, your prayer
will be exceptionally powerful.
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| Recite the
mantra of the Buddha of Compassion |
When they think of the dead or pass by a place where
someone died, Tibetans immediately recite the mantra
of the Lord of Compassion, Avalokiteshvara: Om Mani Padme
Hum Hrih. The mantra actually invokes the presence of this
Buddha, and the radiance of his wisdom and compassion. When
we say the mantra we are bringing this very sacred and
compassionate presence into the mind and heart of the person
for whom we are practicing, which can help to dissolve
his or her suffering. (An audio tape featuring Tibetan masters
chanting this mantra is available from
Zam America.)
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| Heal our relationship and
let go of attachment |
If we reflect on what our loved one needs after death,
we realize that any attempts to stay in regular contact
with him may only increase his attachment to this life
and make it harder for him to go on. Yet if there are old
or fresh negative emotions clouding our relationship with him,
it is vital that we heal and release this unfinished business,
for his sake and ours. In the exercise for
completing
unfinished business, we imagine the
person is once again sitting in front of us, not to hold onto
him but with the intention of fully forgiving and letting
go of the past. We can conclude the method with the
essential phowa,
guiding our loved one toward the ultimate freedom of
his true nature.
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| Request prayers from accomplished masters |
Along with our own intensive practice after a loved
one dies suddenly, in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition we
often ask an accomplished spiritual master to practice
for our loved one as well. Through the compassion and
power of their spiritual realization, the master can do
specific meditations and rituals to help purify, bless
and liberate the person's consciousness. Prayers and practices
are already being done in monasteries throughout India, Nepal,
and Tibet for victims of the tragic incidents in America. If
you would like to specifically request prayers be said
for your friend or loved one, please contact us.
Read more...
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| Make donations and
dedicate positive actions |
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Light offerings are
common to to all religous traditions |
We can dedicate the merit of positive, life-affirming
actions to our loved one who has died. By helping others
in trouble, visiting the sick, imprisoned or dying,
offering food, clothing or shelter, saving the lives
of animals about to be killed, making or sponsoring a
retreat--whatever positive actions we dedicate for a
loved one will actually benefit his karma in that
moment, whether he is still in the bardo or has taken
a new birth. We become like a proxy for the person
who has died.
We can make a donation, or offer part
of our inheritance, to a charity or spiritual project
in the name of the person who has died, and he or she
will receive the benefit of this. A beautiful traditional
practice for the dead in all major religions is the
offering of light. In the Buddhist tradition, as we light
the candles we pray: "May this light guide my loved
one to the luminous nature of his mind; may it be
a guide for him through the bardo." Doing something actively
to benefit others can also relieve a lot of the
helplessness the bereaved normally feel, especially
after a sudden death.
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| Wish them well |
Whether you do any of these practices or not to help
your loved one who has died, don't ever forget that the
consciousness in the bardo is acutely clairvoyant; simply
directing good thoughts toward them will be most
beneficial.
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