Making Friends with Death

By Judith Lief
Shambhala Publications 2001
Reviewed by Mary Moore

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As I read the concluding sentence of this book I thought for at least the tenth time--this is a fabulous book. It is a down to earth and delightfully gutsy look at our relationship to our own death and that of others. There is directness and humor in the presentation of basic Buddhist understanding that is extremely refreshing.

When exploring our strategies for hope and fear Lief comments, "like used car salesmen doctoring cars, we putty over our cracks and flaws, repaint and try to pass ourselves off as solid. Instead of creating an aura of phony invulnerability it would be better to relate with our genuine vulnerability and uncertainty."

Lief strips away the phoniness which can mar our ability to be present with the dying and warns us not try and smooth death over and create a gooey cloying cocoon, "creating a peaceful atmosphere artificially by glossing over our fears and suppressing anything unpleasant does not work. That is not truly peaceful, it is avoiding reality."

	Author Judith Lief is a well-known Buddhist teacher and former dean of Naropa Univer- sity in Colorado

We will all find ourselves somewhere in the chapter on compassion where Lief encourages us to explore the tricky and sticky bits that color our efforts to be useful. Is our motivation tainted by guilt, a desire to be seen to be useful, a wish to fix or a wish to be create the correct environment?

As well as these rather direct home truths, Lief is clear and helpful about how we can move forward. Practical exercises and meditations are offered for deepening awareness, appreciation of change and cultivating kindness. I would question whether readers really do work with exercises that are contained in books or simply gloss over them and read on.

If we wish arrive at the place of understanding that Lief writes from, then spiritual practice is essential. This small and practical book forms a good basis for reflection and practice in a way that can only to strengthen our ability to make friends with death and be with the dying.

Related links

• Homepage for this book at Amazon.com
• Brief biography of author Judith Lief
• How to be a help, an article by Judith Lief published in Shambhala Sun